I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Houston, we have a blender
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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