You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
