I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
