; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
