My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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