you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize