he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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