did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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