I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
