please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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