he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
