He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize