I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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