Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
