i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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