hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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