My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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