I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
