i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
