for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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