Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
