i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
