U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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