I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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