Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
