I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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