Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
