oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
