Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize