It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
