Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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