Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
