sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
