My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
