This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
