i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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