She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize