Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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