the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
