So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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