Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
