if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
