I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
