I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
