she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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