i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
