So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
