Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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