he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
