In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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