dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize