I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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