She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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