So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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