so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
