I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
