Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
