So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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