it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize