ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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